I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
