So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
