just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
