thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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