The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
