Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
