Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
