I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
