Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize