I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
