so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
