Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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