Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize