drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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