Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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