Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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