so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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