porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
