Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She needs sedatives and a leash
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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