I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
