I heard we made out
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
