ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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