Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
