He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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