I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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