i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
