discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
