I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
