Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
