I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
