I wish my penis had an off switch
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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