I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize