Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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