I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
