The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize