I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
