I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
vagina is talking i cant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
