just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
