Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
