My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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