Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
