Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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