Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize