dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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