I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
