I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
