she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
