I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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