I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
