I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
