16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
