So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
