Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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