I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
