Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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