They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
