when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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