worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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