Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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