Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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