rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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