I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
