but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
