I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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