If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
