I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
