I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
