I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You can't special order awesome
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
