remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
