I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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