OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize