i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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