my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
